I Had A Love
by corr2win90
Summary: A "sequel" story to "Falling for the Leader" my Anybodys story , Anita now has to face two deaths- her lover Bernardo's, and also the fresh death of her best friend Maria's lover, Tony. But will guilt and grief lead her to something that wouldn't just harm her, but her friends? Warning, does contain implications and speculations of self-harm, and because of this, is rated T.
1. Love is Crushed

This story takes place when Tony dies in "Falling for the Leader", and it's in Anita's point of view. This is kind of like a "sequel" to the Anybodys story, so please try to read that one first :D Note: I do not own West Side Story, or any of the songs from the musical. Enjoy! And a special thanks to smilingsanitizer for giving me the idea for this story :D

**Chapter 1: Love is Crushed**

I was too stunned to speak when I saw Maria crying over Tony's dead body. I was stunned at his death, at Maria's grief, and furthermore, how similar it was to before…

***FLASHBACK***

_As Bernardo stabbed Riff, I yelled out in joy. Finally, our clan is avenged. I saw Bernardo smile mischievously, reveling in his kill. However, then, something worse happened._

_That wimp Tony, the one dating my best friend Maria, comes between Bernardo and the dead Jet, taking out a knife. Right then, Tony stabs Bernardo, killing him instantly. I can feel the knife go through my very heart, my very soul…_

_I scream out, and feel myself start to die inside. Bernardo's dead, Bernardo's dead…I reach out, wanting to die with him, just stay with him, but Consuela and Teresita pull me back, taking me away from him._

_I struggle against them, just wanting to die as Tony just lies there, staring at the dead bodies of Riff and Bernardo. I want to kill him, kill all of them, for holding grudges, for being immature and stupid, but my grief has me paralyzed._

***END OF FLAHSBACK***

And now, as I stare at Maria, I realize that this death, the death of her love, is my own fault. For I was the one who told the Jets that she was dead, killed by Chino. I was the one who instigated this.

I want to go up to Maria, comfort her like I did before, be with her like I was before, but grief had changed me. My heart was steeled, and it was more grief-filled than ever. So as Diesel, Action, Pepe, and Chino carried Tony's body away, I just followed them, leaving Maria to her own devices.

However, I was never alone.

"Anita!" I heard a voice behind me, shouting at me, running towards me.

"What, Consuela?" I say to my longtime friend, tears fighting to leave my eyes.

"Aren't you going to help Maria?" she asks me.

I look away from her, hiding my sadness and guilt. "No. She's fine."

Consuela gasps and takes me by the shoulder, turning me around to face her. "Her love just was murdered! How could you be so cold-hearted?"

"MY LOVE WAS MURDERED TOO, CONSUELA!" I yell at her, making her flinch and back off a little. "I KNOW how she feels! She can take care of herself!"

Consuela just frowns at me and shakes her head, and runs off, probably to find Teresita or Rosalia. I sigh, knowing that she probably thinks I've gone mad, lost my sanity.

Well, good. Maybe I'll die quicker.

I keep walking, by myself, back to Shark territory. I walk up the stairs, back to my-and formerly Bernardo's-room. I lock the door behind me, and collapse on the bed, stuffing my face in the pillows.

"Oh, Bernardo," I sob, "why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to be so stupid, always picking fights? Why?"

I keep crying into the pillow, and remember a song. A song that Maria sang only days ago, explaining her love to Tony.

Love is crushed. It's not real anymore.

I sigh to myself, and sing it my way for once.

_I had a love, and it's all that I had_

_Right or wrong, what else could I do?_

_I loved him, I'm his_

_And everything he was_

_I was, too_

_I had a love, but now, he is gone_

_Right or wrong, I'm only left alone_

_I loved him, we were one_

_There was nothing to be done_

_Not a thing I could do_

_But hold him, hold him forever_

_Be with him now, tomorrow,_

_All my life_

I look in the mirror, seeing my hollow face, dark eyes, and tattered hair in the reflection. _This isn't Bernardo's girl, this is the shell of that girl._

_When love comes so strong_

_There is no right or wrong_

_Your love is your life._

And my life was over. I wanted it to just be over. I walked over to my window, seeing the drop._ If I just jumped…_

And then I heard a knock on the door.


	2. Changed

**Chapter 2: Changed**

I sighed to myself. _What, am I not allowed to die in peace?_ I glided over to the door in a zombie-like trance and opened the door.

There stood Maria, her eyes still puffy and red, but with a renewed vigor in her that I had never seen before. In her eyes I still saw grief, but I also saw courage and ruthlessness. I shuddered, and she glared at me a little bit, walking past me and closing the window I had planned on jumping out of with a bang.

She doesn't look at me for a moment, and then shakily says, "Is killing yourself really going to help anything, anyone, Anita?"

She turns around, locking her eyes with mine. "Don't you know how hard this has been on me? On ALL OF US?" I started to open my mouth, say about Bernardo, but she yelled, "Don't you dare talk about Bernardo! I know how much you loved him, your mate. WE ALL LOVED HIM. He was MY BROTHER." She started to cry again, but I could tell that she wanted me to stay put, not put my arms around her like I usually did.

So I stayed planted in my spot, just staring at my longtime friend. Finally, she looked back up at me and spoke again. "Look. I know what you're going through, and understand it completely. I felt that same way right after Tony died." She sighed, and kept going. "But…Anybodys showed me that there's more to life, that I have to keep living for Tony's sake. And you need to do that too. Live for Bernardo, Anita. Live for him."

I sneered at her words, at her mention of a Jet. I still hated them, hated them for taking Bernardo away from me, and almost raping me. "And you TRUST the group of white trash who killed Bernardo? You trust the chicos and chicas who discriminated against for years-"

"JUST SHUT UP, ANITA!" Maria yelled.

My mouth closed, and I shrank against Maria's fierce tone. She's never been like this…where did the softspoken and graceful girl I knew go?

"Anybodys was the one who took care of me! She hugged me, talked to me, and made me FEEL again when no one else did. I didn't see YOU walk up to me and help me. I didn't see YOU of all people, my closest friend, come up to me and say, 'Oh, are you okay, Maria?' No. You didn't have the decency, the NERVE." She walked towards me, now inches apart, and looked into my eyes once more. "You know what? Do what you want. I don't care anymore. If you want to take your own life, go at it. I'm going to live mine to the fullest for Tony, and I don't need people like you ruining it for me." With that, she stormed past me, and slammed the door of my bedroom behind her.

I stared at the door for a couple minutes, completely dumbfounded. That Maria was not the Maria I had known, that I had known all my life. That Maria was different. Changed.

I sat on my bed, thinking, pondering everything. My life, the deaths, Maria's rampage, my reaction, my situation. I asked myself a million times, over and over again, the same question: Was I really going to end my life? I didn't know, I didn't know at all.

And then I knew. There was only one person to ask, and though I hated to admit it, I really did need their help. If she could change Maria, she could change me too.

I needed Anybodys.

**A/N That's Chapter 2! Oh my gosh, I'm so so so so so sorry I haven't updated in months! I just got overwhelmed with school and extra-curriculars (I was in a play, "The Diary of Anne Frank", and I was a lead, so I had like NO TIME) and I totally had no time to update! I'm so sorry, but thank you, my readers, for sticking with the story and reading it! I'm sorry for the really super-short chapter, but I promise you, Chapter 3 will be up very soon (maybe in the coming minutes, lol) and it will be longer. :) Thanks so much for loving this story! ~GleekRagtimer96**


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